Friday, May 22, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
second opinion
The doctor said, ‘Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration.
You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.’
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men’s clothing store and thought, ‘That’s what I need… A new suit.’
He entered the shop and told the salesman, ‘I’d like a new suit.’
The elderly tailor eye d him briefly and said, ‘Let’s see… size 44 long.’
Joe laughed, ‘That’s right, how did you know?’
‘Been in the business 60 years!’ the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suit it fit perfectly.
As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, ‘How about a new shirt?’
Joe thought for a moment and then said, ‘Sure.’
The salesman eyed Joe and said, ‘Let’s see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.’
Joe was surprised, ‘That’s right, how did you know?’
‘Been in the business 60 years.’
Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, ‘How about some new underwear?’
Joe thought for a moment and said, ‘Sure.’
The salesman said, ‘Let’s see… size 36.
Joe laughed, ‘Ah ha! I got you! I’ve worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.’
The salesman shook his head, ‘You can’t wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.’
New suit - $400
New shirt - $36
New underwear - $6
Second Opinion - PRICELESS
Gods balance
The Earth in balance.
God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day.
He inquired, “Where have you been?”
God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds,
“Look, Michael. Look what I’ve made.”
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, “What is it?”
“It’s a planet,” replied God, “and I’ve put life on it.. I’m going to call
it Earth and it’s going to be a place to test Balance.”
“Balance?” inquired Michael, “I’m still confused.”
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. “For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I’ve placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things.”
God continued pointing to different countries. “This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.”
The Archangel , impressed by God’s work, then pointed to a land area and said, “What’s that one?”
“That’s Washington State , the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, and plains. The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of software.”
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, “But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance.”
God smiled, “There’s another Washington . Wait till you see the idiots I put there.”
God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day.
He inquired, “Where have you been?”
God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds,
“Look, Michael. Look what I’ve made.”
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, “What is it?”
“It’s a planet,” replied God, “and I’ve put life on it.. I’m going to call
it Earth and it’s going to be a place to test Balance.”
“Balance?” inquired Michael, “I’m still confused.”
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. “For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I’ve placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things.”
God continued pointing to different countries. “This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.”
The Archangel , impressed by God’s work, then pointed to a land area and said, “What’s that one?”
“That’s Washington State , the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, and plains. The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of software.”
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, “But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance.”
God smiled, “There’s another Washington . Wait till you see the idiots I put there.”
Monday, August 4, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Raah Dekhi Thi-Nostalgia
raah dekhi thi
is din ki kabse
aage ke sapne saja rakhe the naajane kab se
bade utavle the yahaan se jaane ko
zindagi ka agla padaav paane ko
par naa jane kyon ..dil mein aaj kuch aur aata hai
waqt ko rokne ka jee chahta hai
jin baton ko lekar rote the
aaj un par hansi aati hai
na jaane kyon aaj un palon ki yaad bahut aati hai
kaha kart tha ..badi mushkil se chaar saal seh gaya
par aaj kyon lagta hai ki kuch peeche reh gaya
kahi ankahi hazaaron batein reh gayi
na bhoolne wali kuch yaadein reh gayi
meri taang ab kaun kheencha karega
sirf mera sir khane kaun mera peecha karega
jahaan 2000 ka hisaab nahin wahaan 2 rupay ke liye kaun ladega
kaun raat bhar saath jag kar padega
KAUN MERA lunch mujse pooche bina khayega
kaun mere naye naye naam banayega
mein ab bina matlab kis se ladoonga
bina topic ke kisse faalto baat karoonga
kaun fail hone par dilasa dilayega
kaun galti se number aane par gaaliyaan sunayega
buddy's mein coffee kis ke saath piyoonga
wo haseen pal ab kis ke saath jiyoonga
aise dost kahaan milenge
jo khai mein bhi dhakka de aayein
par fir tumhein bachane khud bhi kood jayein
meri ghazlon se pareshaan kaun hoga
kabhi muje kisi ladki se baat karte dekh hairaan kaun hoga
kaun kahega chadhe tere joke pe hansi nahin aai
kaun peeche se bula ke kahega..aage dekh bhai
carrom mein kiske saath kheloonga
kis ke saath boring lectures jheloonga
professors ke PJ par RAKSHAS ki tarah kaun hansega
"pugai mein haarne wale ki treat"..is chakkar mein ab kaun fansega
mere certificates ko raddi kehne ki himmat kaun karega
bina dare sachi raay dene ki himmat kaun karega
stage par ab kis ke saath jaoonga
juniors ko faltoo ke lectures kaise sunaonga
achanak bin matlab ke kisi ko bhi dekh kar paglon ki tarah hansna
na jaane ye fir kab hoga
keh do doston ye dobaara sab hoga
doston ke liye professor se kab lad payenge
kya hum ye fir kar payenge
raat ko 2 baje paranthe khane kaun jayega
3 gilaas lassi peene ki shart kaun lagayega
kaun muje mere kabiliyat par bharosa dilayega
aur jyada hawa mein udne par zameen pe layega
meri khushi mein sach mein khush kaun hoga
mere gam mein muj se jyada dukhi kaun hoga
meri ye kavita kaun padega
kaun ise sach mein samjega
bahut kuch likhna abhi baaki hai
kuch saath shayad baaki hai
bas ek baat se dar lagta hai doston
hum anjnabi na ban jayein doston
zindagi ke rangon mein dosti kar rang feeka na pad jaye
kahin aisa na ho doosre rishton ki bheed mein dosti dum tod jayye
zindagi mein milne ki fariyaad karte rehna
agar na mil sakein to kam se kam yaad karte rehna
chahe jitna hanslo aaj mujh par
mein bura nahi manooga
is hansi ko apne dil mein basa loonga
aur jab yaad aayegi tumhari
yahi hansi lekar thoda muskura loonga
is din ki kabse
aage ke sapne saja rakhe the naajane kab se
bade utavle the yahaan se jaane ko
zindagi ka agla padaav paane ko
par naa jane kyon ..dil mein aaj kuch aur aata hai
waqt ko rokne ka jee chahta hai
jin baton ko lekar rote the
aaj un par hansi aati hai
na jaane kyon aaj un palon ki yaad bahut aati hai
kaha kart tha ..badi mushkil se chaar saal seh gaya
par aaj kyon lagta hai ki kuch peeche reh gaya
kahi ankahi hazaaron batein reh gayi
na bhoolne wali kuch yaadein reh gayi
meri taang ab kaun kheencha karega
sirf mera sir khane kaun mera peecha karega
jahaan 2000 ka hisaab nahin wahaan 2 rupay ke liye kaun ladega
kaun raat bhar saath jag kar padega
KAUN MERA lunch mujse pooche bina khayega
kaun mere naye naye naam banayega
mein ab bina matlab kis se ladoonga
bina topic ke kisse faalto baat karoonga
kaun fail hone par dilasa dilayega
kaun galti se number aane par gaaliyaan sunayega
buddy's mein coffee kis ke saath piyoonga
wo haseen pal ab kis ke saath jiyoonga
aise dost kahaan milenge
jo khai mein bhi dhakka de aayein
par fir tumhein bachane khud bhi kood jayein
meri ghazlon se pareshaan kaun hoga
kabhi muje kisi ladki se baat karte dekh hairaan kaun hoga
kaun kahega chadhe tere joke pe hansi nahin aai
kaun peeche se bula ke kahega..aage dekh bhai
carrom mein kiske saath kheloonga
kis ke saath boring lectures jheloonga
professors ke PJ par RAKSHAS ki tarah kaun hansega
"pugai mein haarne wale ki treat"..is chakkar mein ab kaun fansega
mere certificates ko raddi kehne ki himmat kaun karega
bina dare sachi raay dene ki himmat kaun karega
stage par ab kis ke saath jaoonga
juniors ko faltoo ke lectures kaise sunaonga
achanak bin matlab ke kisi ko bhi dekh kar paglon ki tarah hansna
na jaane ye fir kab hoga
keh do doston ye dobaara sab hoga
doston ke liye professor se kab lad payenge
kya hum ye fir kar payenge
raat ko 2 baje paranthe khane kaun jayega
3 gilaas lassi peene ki shart kaun lagayega
kaun muje mere kabiliyat par bharosa dilayega
aur jyada hawa mein udne par zameen pe layega
meri khushi mein sach mein khush kaun hoga
mere gam mein muj se jyada dukhi kaun hoga
meri ye kavita kaun padega
kaun ise sach mein samjega
bahut kuch likhna abhi baaki hai
kuch saath shayad baaki hai
bas ek baat se dar lagta hai doston
hum anjnabi na ban jayein doston
zindagi ke rangon mein dosti kar rang feeka na pad jaye
kahin aisa na ho doosre rishton ki bheed mein dosti dum tod jayye
zindagi mein milne ki fariyaad karte rehna
agar na mil sakein to kam se kam yaad karte rehna
chahe jitna hanslo aaj mujh par
mein bura nahi manooga
is hansi ko apne dil mein basa loonga
aur jab yaad aayegi tumhari
yahi hansi lekar thoda muskura loonga
Onsite Offshore Story
The pressure was heavy, the schedule was tight.
Slogged like a dog, coded with all might.
Worked through the day, sat late in the night,
But for me, there is no onsite in sight...
She meets me for coffee, she catches up for a bite,
As I write this stupid poem, she is packing for her third long flight,
What did I do wrong, that she did right?
Why for me, there is no onsite in sight...
Want to climb the Eiffel, see Paris from that height,
Want to see the felled Berlin wall sipping beer light,
Want to bet that dollar as I see Vegas by the night,
Unfortunately for me, there is no onsite in sight...
Talked to my boss, with her I had a fight,
But she earns too much to understand my plight,
Now I don't work that hard, I take it light,
Because for me, there is no onsite in sight...
The future is dark, it ain't bright,
Life is routine, office bus I will board and alight,
Stay offshore and code byte by byte,
For me, there is no onsite in sight...
Slogged like a dog, coded with all might.
Worked through the day, sat late in the night,
But for me, there is no onsite in sight...
She meets me for coffee, she catches up for a bite,
As I write this stupid poem, she is packing for her third long flight,
What did I do wrong, that she did right?
Why for me, there is no onsite in sight...
Want to climb the Eiffel, see Paris from that height,
Want to see the felled Berlin wall sipping beer light,
Want to bet that dollar as I see Vegas by the night,
Unfortunately for me, there is no onsite in sight...
Talked to my boss, with her I had a fight,
But she earns too much to understand my plight,
Now I don't work that hard, I take it light,
Because for me, there is no onsite in sight...
The future is dark, it ain't bright,
Life is routine, office bus I will board and alight,
Stay offshore and code byte by byte,
For me, there is no onsite in sight...
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