Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Ppl saying behind ur back

I think I should tell you what people are saying behind your back.…

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Nice Ass!!! ;)

Monday, March 29, 2010

The Fishermans secret

A fisherman from the city was out fishing on a lake in a small boat. He noticed another man in a small boat open his tackle box and take out a mirror.

Being curious, the man rowed over and asked, "What is the mirror for?"

"That's my secret way to catch fish," said the other man. "Shine the mirror on the top of the water. The fish notice the spot of sun on the water above and they swim to the surface. Then I just reach down and net them and pull them into the boat."

"Wow! Does that really work?"

"You bet it does."

"Would you be interested in selling that mirror? I'll give you $30 for it."

"Well, okay."

After the money was transferred, the city fisherman asked, "By the way, how many fish have you caught this week?"

"You're the sixth," he said.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Driving Arena

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!' The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?' The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'

Friday, March 19, 2010

Blonde.....

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh. .. . ... .. ..




"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."?

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

A real bad PJ

A conductor at an orchestra begins embezzling money from the admission price of the tickets because his orchestra isn't doing well financially. After quite a bit of time, he is caught, he pleads guilty to being a bad conductor, and the judge sentences him to death. When he's in the electric chair, they send 100,000 volts through him, and he just sits there, smiling. The operators ask him why the 100,000 volts isn't killing him, like it does everyone else. He says, "I already told you - I'm a bad conductor."

Friday, March 5, 2010

Teacher/student joke

A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam."Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"A smart-arsed guy at the back of the raised his hand and asked,"What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class was reduced to laughter and snickering.When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said:'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand'.