mushkil hai apna mel priye, ye pyar nahin hai khel priye, (my love)
tum MA 1st division ho, main hua matric phel priye,
mushkil hai apna mel priye, ye pyar nahin hai khel priye, (union)
tum fauji afsar ki beti, main to kisaan ka beta hoon,
tum rabadi kheer malai ho, main to sattu sapreta hoon,
tum AC ghar mein rahti ho, main ped ke neeche leta hoon,
tum nai maruti lagti ho, main scooter lambreta hoon,
is kadar agar hum chup-chup kar aapas me prem badhayenge,
to ek roz tere daddy Amrish Puri ban jaaenge, (alas he is no more!)
sab haddi pasli tod mujhe bhijwaa denge vo jail priye,
mushkil hai apna mel priye, ye pyar nahin hai khel priye,
tum arab desh kee ghodi ho, main hoon gadahe ki naal priye,
tum deewali ka bonus ho, main bhookho ki hadtaal priye,(strike)
tum heere jadi tashtari ho, main almunium ka thaal priye,
tum chicken-soop biryani ho, main kankad waali daal priye,
tum hiran-chaokadi bharti ho, main hoon kachue ki chaal priye, (flight of dear)
tum chandan-wan ki lakdi ho, main hoon babool ki chaal priye,
main pake aam sa latka hoon, mat maaro mujhe gulel priye,
mushkil hai apna mel priye, ye pyar nahin hai khel priye,
main shani-dev jaisa kuroop, tum komal kanchan kaya ho, (ugly)
main tan-se man-se Kanshi Ram, tum maha chanchala maya ho, (naughty)
tum nirmal paawan ganga ho, main jalta hua patanga hoon,(pure)
tum raaj ghaat ka shanti march, main hindu-muslim danga hoon,
tum ho poonam ka taajmahal, main kaali gufa ajanta ki,
tum ho vardaan vidhata ka, main galti hoon bhagvanta ki,(wish of god)
tum jet vimaan ki shobha ho, main bus ki thelam-thel priye, (aeroplane)
mushkil hai apna mel priye, ye pyar nahin hai khel priye,
tum nai videshi mixi ho, main patthar ka silbatta hoon,
tum AK-saintalis jaisi, main to ik desi katta hoon,
tum chatur Rabadi Devi si, main bhola-bhala Lalu hoon,
tum mukt sherni jangal ki, main chidiyaghar ka bhaalu hoon, (free)
tum vyast Sonia Gandhi si, main V.P.Singh sa khali hoon, (busy)
tum hansi Madhuri Dixit ki, main policeman ki gaali hoon,
kal jel agar ho jaaye to dilwa dena tum bail priye,
mushkil hai apna mel priye, ye pyar nahin hai khel priye,
main dhabe ke dhaanche jaisa, tum paanch sitara hotel ho, (structure)
main mahue ka desi tharra, tum red-label ki botal ho,
tum chitra-haar ka madhur geet, main krishi-darshan ki jhaadi hoon, (sweet)
tum vishva-sundari si kamaal, main teliya chaap kabadi hoon,
tum sony ka mobile ho, main telephone waala hoon chonga,
tum machli maansarovar ki, main saagar tat ka hoon ghongha, (shore)
dus manzil se gir jaaooga, mat aage mujhe dhakel priye,
mushkil hai apna mel priye, ye pyar nahin hai khel priye,
tum satta ki maharani ho, main vipaksha ki lachari hoon, (in power/opposition)
tum ho mamta-Jailalita si, main kwara Atal-Bihari hoon,
tum Tendulkar ka shatak priye, main follow on ki paari hoon, (century)
tum getz, matiz, corolla ho main Leyland ki lorry hoon,
mujhko refree hi rehne do, mat khelo mujhse khel priye,
mushkil hai apna mel priye, ye pyar nahin hai khel priye,
main soch raha ki rahe hain kabse, shrota mujhko jhel priye, (listeners)
mushkil hai apna mel priye, ye pyar nahin hai khel priye
Friday, June 26, 2009
Derogatory innocence
A 5th grader asked her mother the age-old question,
‘How did I get here?’
Her mother told her, ‘God sent you.’
‘Did God send you, too?’ asked the child
‘Yes, Dear,’ the mother replied.
‘What about Grandma and Grandpa?’ the child persisted.
‘He sent them also,’ the mother said.
‘Did he send their parents, too?’ asked the child.
‘Yes, Dear, He did,’ said the mother patiently.
‘So you’re telling me that there has been NO sex in this
Family for 200 years?
No wonder everyone’s so damn grouchy around here.’
Friday, May 29, 2009
Quotes by me for me
- i wish to ride on chana Tree and fall to Coconut PEd to check if 'g' is still intact
- What an over it was. Cows might come home before this one finishes
PS :Will keep updating this post, already lost lot of them.......
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
bhais chaalisa
महामूर्ख दरबार में, लगा अनोखा केस
फसा हुआ है मामला, अक्ल बङी या भैंस
अक्ल बङी या भैंस, दलीलें बहुत सी आयीं
महामूर्ख दरबार की अब,देखो सुनवाई
मंगल भवन अमंगल हारी- भैंस सदा ही अकल पे भारी
भैंस मेरी जब चर आये चारा- पाँच सेर हम दूध निकारा
कोई अकल ना यह कर पावे- चारा खा कर दूध बनावे
अक्ल घास जब चरने जाये- हार जाय नर अति दुख पाये
भैंस का चारा लालू खायो- निज घरवारि सी.एम. बनवायो
तुमहू भैंस का चारा खाओ- बीवी को सी.एम. बनवाओ
मोटी अकल मन्दमति होई- मोटी भैंस दूध अति होई
अकल इश्क़ कर कर के रोये- भैंस का कोई बाँयफ्रेन्ड ना होये
अकल तो ले मोबाइल घूमे- एस.एम.एस. पा पा के झूमे
भैंस मेरी डायरेक्ट पुकारे- कबहूँ मिस्ड काल ना मारे
भैंस कभी सिगरेट ना पीती- भैंस बिना दारू के जीती
भैंस कभी ना पान चबाये - ना ही इसको ड्रग्स सुहाये
शक्तिशालिनी शाकाहारी- भैंस हमारी कितनी प्यारी
अकलमन्द को कोई ना जाने- भैंस को सारा जग पहचाने
जाकी अकल मे गोबर होये- सो इन्सान पटक सर रोये
मंगल भवन अमंगल हारी- भैंस का गोबर अकल पे भारी
भैंस मरे तो बनते जूते- अकल मरे तो पङते जूते
अकल को कोई देख ना पावे- भैंस दरस साक्षात दिखाव
फसा हुआ है मामला, अक्ल बङी या भैंस
अक्ल बङी या भैंस, दलीलें बहुत सी आयीं
महामूर्ख दरबार की अब,देखो सुनवाई
मंगल भवन अमंगल हारी- भैंस सदा ही अकल पे भारी
भैंस मेरी जब चर आये चारा- पाँच सेर हम दूध निकारा
कोई अकल ना यह कर पावे- चारा खा कर दूध बनावे
अक्ल घास जब चरने जाये- हार जाय नर अति दुख पाये
भैंस का चारा लालू खायो- निज घरवारि सी.एम. बनवायो
तुमहू भैंस का चारा खाओ- बीवी को सी.एम. बनवाओ
मोटी अकल मन्दमति होई- मोटी भैंस दूध अति होई
अकल इश्क़ कर कर के रोये- भैंस का कोई बाँयफ्रेन्ड ना होये
अकल तो ले मोबाइल घूमे- एस.एम.एस. पा पा के झूमे
भैंस मेरी डायरेक्ट पुकारे- कबहूँ मिस्ड काल ना मारे
भैंस कभी सिगरेट ना पीती- भैंस बिना दारू के जीती
भैंस कभी ना पान चबाये - ना ही इसको ड्रग्स सुहाये
शक्तिशालिनी शाकाहारी- भैंस हमारी कितनी प्यारी
अकलमन्द को कोई ना जाने- भैंस को सारा जग पहचाने
जाकी अकल मे गोबर होये- सो इन्सान पटक सर रोये
मंगल भवन अमंगल हारी- भैंस का गोबर अकल पे भारी
भैंस मरे तो बनते जूते- अकल मरे तो पङते जूते
अकल को कोई देख ना पावे- भैंस दरस साक्षात दिखाव
Friday, May 22, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
second opinion
The doctor said, ‘Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration.
You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.’
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men’s clothing store and thought, ‘That’s what I need… A new suit.’
He entered the shop and told the salesman, ‘I’d like a new suit.’
The elderly tailor eye d him briefly and said, ‘Let’s see… size 44 long.’
Joe laughed, ‘That’s right, how did you know?’
‘Been in the business 60 years!’ the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suit it fit perfectly.
As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, ‘How about a new shirt?’
Joe thought for a moment and then said, ‘Sure.’
The salesman eyed Joe and said, ‘Let’s see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.’
Joe was surprised, ‘That’s right, how did you know?’
‘Been in the business 60 years.’
Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, ‘How about some new underwear?’
Joe thought for a moment and said, ‘Sure.’
The salesman said, ‘Let’s see… size 36.
Joe laughed, ‘Ah ha! I got you! I’ve worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.’
The salesman shook his head, ‘You can’t wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.’
New suit - $400
New shirt - $36
New underwear - $6
Second Opinion - PRICELESS
Gods balance
The Earth in balance.
God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day.
He inquired, “Where have you been?”
God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds,
“Look, Michael. Look what I’ve made.”
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, “What is it?”
“It’s a planet,” replied God, “and I’ve put life on it.. I’m going to call
it Earth and it’s going to be a place to test Balance.”
“Balance?” inquired Michael, “I’m still confused.”
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. “For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I’ve placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things.”
God continued pointing to different countries. “This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.”
The Archangel , impressed by God’s work, then pointed to a land area and said, “What’s that one?”
“That’s Washington State , the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, and plains. The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of software.”
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, “But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance.”
God smiled, “There’s another Washington . Wait till you see the idiots I put there.”
God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day.
He inquired, “Where have you been?”
God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds,
“Look, Michael. Look what I’ve made.”
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, “What is it?”
“It’s a planet,” replied God, “and I’ve put life on it.. I’m going to call
it Earth and it’s going to be a place to test Balance.”
“Balance?” inquired Michael, “I’m still confused.”
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. “For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I’ve placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things.”
God continued pointing to different countries. “This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.”
The Archangel , impressed by God’s work, then pointed to a land area and said, “What’s that one?”
“That’s Washington State , the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, and plains. The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of software.”
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, “But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance.”
God smiled, “There’s another Washington . Wait till you see the idiots I put there.”
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